Broken
by heechul
Summary: ET. broken off pieces from their intertwined relationship. whole or not, this is them.
1. Stargazer

**A/N: **Tell me if I should continue this, if not, I'll just leave it as a one-shot. They're all going to be short stories, all featuring Eriol x Tomoyo. The first one is called **Stargazer** and it's AU, but the characters will have the same personality. I added in a little Touya x Tomoyo and a little Eriol x Kaho, but they won't be main pairings. Nope, not at all.

And so, _Broken_, my brainchild, begins!

**Disclaimer:** All characters, etc. belong to CLAMP, not me, etc. etc. Bleh. xP

**Stargazer**

_I see heaven in your eyes. _

The single stargazer lily lies on her windowsill. It brought back memories, but it was still a mystery, still unknown. But for now, it'll have to do. She remembered days and she remembered memories. But most of all, she remembered _him._

**X**

X 

"Get him!" Fifty policemen ran after a boy in a dark, fluttering cape, a boy who seemed to be absorbed into the shadows themselves. He was a famous thief around these areas, one who started with petty crimes, working his way up to the high-class museums. Before he actually robbed a place however, he first sent a flower ahead, giving clues to what his target would be. This time it had been a china aster flower. The meaning could not have been simpler: he was after the new Chinese tapestry called The Streaks of Aster. But of course, he had surprised them once again tonight, going, instead, for the Chinese vase patterned with china asters.

The only difference about this thief was that he didn't try to steal the most famous things, or even the ones that would gain him a lot of money. He went for what he wanted, even if it was just an addition to something else (like once, he stole a vase handle off of a vase). But especially, he went after flowers. And he never kept his stolen things, preferring instead, to return them the day after, but never had he kept anything beyond a week. He was easily the strangest thief that anyone had ever encountered. His name was unknown, his face a mystery. The press went crazy, called him Discord, after his most famous heist for the _Stargazer_, the most famous painting in Japan, the only thing he never returned and the discord he caused afterwards.

…

And so, our tale begins with the end.

"Eriol-chan…I'm your biggest fan, ok? Don't cry like that, you'll never be alone, I swear. You're my savior, I'll never forget you." She said this to me, even as she cried and left me. I knew why she left, but that didn't lessen the burden any bit. She broke all her promises. Especially the ones she made to _me._

I saw the last of her that day, when the shadows claimed her. She was my everything, the only thing that I ever have, and ever will love. She protected me from everything I hated. She had left him…again, the promises broken, the pieces of his heart. She was my sunshine, so where was I without her? Darkness.

_You know, darkness falls,_

_And light is something to believe in,_

_Keep it constant, _

_keep it constant._

The only thing he could hear was his own labored breathing, his own footsteps pounding on the floor. He had been careless tonight, had almost risked everything. He mentally slapped himself, scolding himself inside. Kaho would be so ashamed of him right now. But no… he willed himself to think of anything BUT Kaho, instead concentrating on his prize.

China asters, and this beautiful vase. It reminded him so much of the times he had visited the museum, the times that he and Kaho both had gasped over the things there, promising each other that they would be great. Him with his music, and her with her art. Incidentally, the only piece she ever made, the only thing Eriol ever kept, was her most famous piece ever, the _Stargazer_.

He would remember her forever, he promised himself, he remembered the time she went up to the vase she loved the most and touched just one of the handles, with just one finger, and winked at Eriol afterwards, her eyes glinting with wickedness. "I've always wanted to do that, can you believe it, Eriol-chan?" _Yes,_ he answered her silently in his mind but on the outside, he mocked her gently for her childishness.

Perhaps if he hadn't been so caught up in his love, he would have done something more than chide her about the shadow under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks and the fact that she turned away every once in a while to cough a deep, hacking cough. She had laughed it off too, her airiness obviously fake.

But it's not like he would forget that day, he never would. The first and last time he would cry, the first and last time he would ever _love._ He remembered his last promise, to become everything she couldn't be, to live for her when she couldn't. She had changed him, but he could change right back after he did what she asked. He made his last promise that day, and he withdrew into the little corner of his called Darkness.

_worlds as fragile as spun sugar glass_

_and in a second_

_everything_

_can shatter_

**…**

"POLICE, COMING THROUGH!" A large police squad came barging through the bridge, effectively scaring Tomoyo Daidouji. Tomoyo loved starless nights, because they reminded her of the most beautiful painting she had ever seen, the _Stargazer_. The author was a well-known, one-shot painter before she died. Her only one, true work, was the _Stargazer_, a beautiful painting depicting a girl with long, shadowy black hair staring a little wistfully, a little sadly at a starless sky almost as if she thought she could make the stars reappear just by looking at them.

Her best friend, Sakura-chan, who was happy, bubbly and just a tad bit ditzy, had once remarked that the girl in the painting looked a lot like Tomoyo-chan. Tomoyo laughed this off, although she could see slight, but obvious, differences. For example, the girl in the painting had deep amethyst eyes, just like Tomoyo did and the inky black hair was all Tomoyo. The face was also like hers, slightly heart-shaped, with wistful eyes and a sweet mouth. But it was different. The _Stargazer_ girl would live forever in that painting, her eyes, hair, and her very features carried throughout history. But she, Tomoyo Daidouji, would become nothing once again, another lily in the field, another star in the sky.

Eriol came strolling down the bridge, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, whistling. The very look of innocence. However, his whistles died on his lips as he saw someone at his favorite spot on the bridge. He felt a small twinge underneath his skin as he laid his eyes on Tomoyo. What was this feeling? Attraction, perhaps…But no, it wasn't possible. After all, Kaho was the one for him. As of right now though, all thoughts of Kaho were pushed from his mind as he struggled to think where he had seen that face before. With a start, something clicked in his mind that gave him an unusual burst of courage to go up to her and say, rather bluntly, "Has anyone ever told you look like the girl from the _Stargazer_?"

Tomoyo was startled, so immersed in her own thoughts she didn't hear the boy behind her. She slowly turned around at the voice, amethyst eyes met sapphire eyes, wide and innocent met cool and somehow tumultuous. She colored at being found out and for speaking to this obvious stranger. She broke their gaze and looked down. He was very good-looking…beautiful even, with a pale face and crystal clear eyes. His eyes seemed to be a bit enlarged by the round glasses he wore, but they seemed to add to his innocence, making him look cute rather than sexy. His midnight blue hair was tousled and he was tall, taller than her, about 6 feet. He was lean, and skinny, rather like Syaoran-kun. She stammered out a reply, "Ye-yes…I've been told that."

"Oh. Because you do." Eriol was painfully aware of the awkward silence and tried to think of something to say. After all, he was the one to approach her. She really did look like the girl in Kaho's painting though, with her long, black hair and amethyst eyes. She had a heart shaped face and was very pretty. "Well…see you…I guess." Even as he said this, Eriol knew this would be the last time to he would ever meet this mysterious girl, this girl that made his heart hurt just by looking of her, thinking of Kaho.

"Oh…yes." Tomoyo flushed again, after all, it wasn't her fault this mysterious boy came to her. She had a sudden inspiration and called after his retreating back. "Uh…um. My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. Nice to meet you." She smiled as he slowly turned around.

Eriol heard her small voice call him back and he started, because he didn't think of her as a girl who would be so bold. "Daidouji-san, pleased to make your acquaintance. Eriol Hiiragizawa." He slowly turned around to see her smiling at him, rather nervously. He remembered something and from deep within his pocket he drew out a stargazer lily. "For you, Daidouji-san. From Discord, himself."

The name flitted through her mind, making small connections here and there. Her breath hitched in her throat, but she still met his gaze with determined eyes. She recognized who it was, but it didn't matter anymore. Time stood still for a second and when it rushed back, everything was different. The meaning wasn't lost on Tomoyo as she accepted the delicate flower with trembling hands: _I see heaven in your eyes._

try to change, what can't be changed 

_go ahead._

_I dare you._

**…**

And just a little time passes, but no one forgets. 

The newspapers will never forget the beautiful phantom thief that wreaked such havoc, caused such discord, in the city. But that was about two years ago and people had started to lose interest.

One girl remembered though. Because she had just been at a place at a time when a boy would appear who would change her life. She could remember him. But mostly, she could remember his eyes and the hands that had handed her the stargazer lily. How cold his hands had been. How for a second, she wanted to grasp them tightly and blow on them until they warmed up. At nineteen, she was still beautiful, perhaps even more so. But her eyes still remembered, and her heart still rejoiced. Her life moved forward. But _she_ stood still, in the same place that she accepted a stargazer lily so many years before.

Eriol tried to forget. Really, you had to give him credit. But his dreams were haunted by amethyst eyes, of delicate hands and his own voice betraying him. But no, it wasn't destiny, it wasn't love, not like Kaho and him. So he pushed all thoughts of her from her mind, pushed him to a little corner where it was easier to stifle. And so, his life went on, but there was still a little part of him that remained back at the bridge, when the moon was singing her quiet song and the river beneath them danced in tune.

This story won't turn into your average love story, where the boy finds the girl and they live happily ever after. It won't be passionate, not of young love, not one where a charming young girl will melt a cold boy's heart. No, this story isn't and won't be your average love story. It will be a story in it's own way, where the path chosen is not the only path traveled and maybe fate will be deceived. There won't be a chance meeting where they remember love, find new love, renew themselves. Nothing will change, because this world is ever spinning.

It wasn't chance, or fate that brought them together again. It was coincidence, pure coincidence. It started on a rainy day. It's beautiful how one question can change a person's life forever. It's beautiful…how one question can break one girl's spirit, make a grown boy cry.

"Tomoyo-chan…Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran-kun asked me this question the other day. Can you answer it for me? Okay! Here goes: What's love?" The happy, bubbly brunette didn't notice her friend's face go pale, her eyes darken until they were almost black.

Yes, that was a great question. What is…or was love? 

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Love…is sapphire colored eyes, cold hands and stargazer lilies. Love is the moon's forlorn song and dancing rivers. Love…is starless nights." She flushed and recovered quickly. "O-oh…Sakura-chan, look what you did to me! Hn…I'm so sorry, I was just reading this really sad book and the words, they just popped out!" Sakura didn't seem to buy the girl's flustered explanation, but she took it anyway. But she made a mistake. She made the mistake of saying something else.

"Oh really, Tomoyo-chan! For a second, I thought you had fallen in love with some boy!"

Tomoyo laughed, but it sounded fake, even to her. Her laughter died down, however. _Oh no…I can't be in love could I? I mean, it's silly, there's no such thing as love at first sight. Tomoyo, get a hold of yourself. You can't just fall in love with mysterious boys that you met at night! A-at night! And at that shady spot too! And he's a thief! Tomoyo – you can't associate with people like that! Tomoyo…what's happening to me?_ Her laughter died from her lips because she had tasted salty tears. "Wh-what? Why am I crying? Oh…heh. I must be more stressed out than I thought I was."

"Tomoyo-chan, are you ok? Oh no…I didn't do something to make you mad…did I? I didn't mean anything by the questions…Tomoyo-chan are you sure you're ok?" Sakura was really scared. Her best friend, Tomoyo-chan was always happy. She had never been depressed a day of her life! It couldn't be…her fault, could it? That must be it! She had been so caught up with Syaoran-kun that something – or someone! – had hurt Tomoyo-chan! "Oh no! Tomoyo-chan! Who did it to you? I-I swear I'll kill anyone who hurt you! So please…Tomoyo-chan…just don't cry anymore."

Tomoyo sniffed, and Sakura's words really touched her heart. But this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted…she wanted Eriol. The mysterious boy that she had met at the bridge, the one person she should never associate with. She wanted _him. _"No…it's nothing about you Sakura-chan…I…just haven't been feeling very well. I-I need some fresh air." And she ran outside. She ran into the cool, pounding rain and she though that maybe, just maybe, if she ran out and cried, all the tears would fall out and she wouldn't ever cry again. Over _him. _Because she was sick of crying, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to see him, just one more time, so she could relieve her desires and forget.

Eriol sighed _again_, for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day. He didn't know what bothered him so much and he decided it was the rain. A long time ago, Kaho had chided him teasingly about it.

"Eriol-chan…why are you annoyed by the rain so much? I swear, sometimes, you're exactly like a cat in water."

At that time, it had seemed funny, because Kaho was there. Now, it just annoyed him further. With a groan, he pushed his hair back and let it fall back to his eyes. _Ugh…I need to get a haircut. _Eriol, so fed up with wandering about his mansion, decided he would conquer his fear of rain. He grabbed an umbrella and ran outside, muttering about the cold. For some strange reason, he started to remember the time he had expressed interest in a girl in high school. What Kaho had said. It bothered him, even to this day.

"_Shut up, Eriol! SHUT UP! If I have to hear about **Minami-chan** one more time, I'll smash that pretty face of hers! You hear me? You think you can fall in love, just like that? Do you even know what love really is, Eriol? Hm? Or have you been playing all this time? Eriol…you can't give love. You love me. It's as simple as that. Eriol…can you even tell me what love really is?" _

The thing that had bothered him most, wasn't the outburst, the anger, the tears, the pure **ugliness **of Kaho's face then. And the fact that for once, he didn't care what Kaho thought. It was the question she had asked him. What was love after all? His mind unconsciously flitted back to a night two years ago. And he thought, _yes, love is amethyst eyes. Love is moon song and river dances. Love is…_her.

_there's a stain that can't be cleaned_

_its darkness spreads and spreads_

_the ugliness of the darkness_

_a sin that is forever_

The rain beat down on Tomoyo's shoulders, her hair fell in clumped strands and her clothes were clinging tightly to her body. She feared she was getting a cold, or worse, maybe even pneumonia, but she couldn't bring herself to get out of the rain. It was kind of soothing, how it was so quiet, the only sounds the rain falling on the bridge and her own slow breathing. Okay, she told herself, after today, everything will be normal again, right? Quick, tapping footsteps caused her to jolt out of her little mental conversation to see who had tread upon her sanctuary. She sneezed.

The sound of someone sneezing had an instantaneous effect on Eriol. He jumped, literally _jumped _and almost dropped his umbrella. Who in their right mind would be out here? And at this time, too. Not, of course, including him. He peered out from underneath his umbrella. A hunched figure was standing there, blocking his vision, shivering slightly from the cold. "Eh…um, excuse me…?" He walked hesitantly to the figure and held the umbrella over her. Startled, his own sapphire colored eyes met the amethyst colored eyes that he dreamed about at night and his pulse raced.

All of a sudden, Tomoyo no longer felt the rain pounding down on her shoulders and she looked up blearily. Her tear-filled eyes met startlingly familiar sapphire eyes, looking down at her with a look of bewilderment and concern. She flushed instantly, for this seemed to bring back memories. Memories that she had tried to forget. She tried to inch closer, for his warmth felt so good and she felt so cold. "Hiiragizawa-san. It's been a long time."

Eriol jolted back to reality and he was vaguely aware of her trying to move closer. He involuntarily moved closer and he held the umbrella over both of them, so they both wouldn't get wet. "Daidouji-san. Yes, it _has_ been a while, hasn't it?" He thoughtfully shook his hair out of his eyes and the water sprayed everywhere. "What brings you to this…place…at this time? You're not lost, are you? Um…can I treat you to something? You can come over to my house to dry off."

Tomoyo was at a loss for words, because this invitation could've sounded lecherous on any guy other than him, where it just sounded very very concerned about her. "Ah…I would like that." Nothing more was said between the two and no sound was heard except for the quick taps of their shoes. But somehow, they just knew they belonged just like that, that somehow, they didn't need anything more.

"That's my house, the really big one up there. You can wear some of Kaho's clothes until yours dry." _Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid! _Why, of all times, did he have to mention Kaho now? There had been a comfortable silence up until now, and now Daidouji-san looked a little frosty. He tried to avert his eyes away from her though, because she was wearing a light purple blouse, which proved to be a bit revealing when wet. Her hair also hung in wet clumps down her back and every now and then she gave a little shiver and he was worried she might catch cold. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy because she had been crying, although he didn't ask why. Suddenly his seemingly boring afternoon turned into quite an adventurous experience.

_Kaho? What Kaho? Excuse me? Is that his lover or something? Okay, Tomoyo, you wait until your clothes are dried, then you get out of there as quickly as possible! _She stiffened, for the mention of a -girl- had bothered her. She was all too aware of Eriol trying not to stare at her and failing. _Hmph. Like what you see? Well, don't worry, I bet your Kaho-san is waiting for you. _Oh but the name Kaho was all too familiar but she still couldn't remember where she had heard it before…

Eriol fumbled with his keys but eventually he found the right one. He pushed open his front door and he winced at the way it creaked. Since they were both just standing there, he decided to take the incentive. He mock-bowed and said, "Daidouji-sama, after you." He had meant it as a joke, but Tomoyo shot him an icy cool glare and swept by him saying, "Thank you, Hiiragizawa-san." He was left dumbfounded but he thought, _Fine! Two can play at this game! If she's mad because I mentioned Kaho, we-well, too bad!_

"Daidouji-san, would you like to change in the bathroom? These are the only clothes I could find…for you are rather petite and Kaho was so tall…" The comment stung, but not as much as Tomoyo would show. She gracefully accepted the traditional kimono from Eriol and wrinkled her nose. She disliked traditional clothes because they reminded her a little too much of Touya-kun. But it would be okay. Tomoyo, after all, was always okay. She moved toward the bathroom, accepting the fluffy towel handed to her as well.

The moment the bathroom door clicked, Eriol slumped down onto his couch with a sigh. What in the world had possessed him to make him invite a girl over to his house? No one had been here since Kaho. No one. He hoped he wasn't betraying Kaho in any way, and he vowed that his heart belonged to Kaho, and only Kaho. He wondered idly what they should do, because she couldn't go out with the rain still pouring and her clothes still wet. Did he have any games? Did he ever own any games? He didn't think so and he wondered miserably what they would talk about, or do, for the next few hours. He hoped she would take an especially long time in the bathroom, as to delay the inevitable. No such luck there. The bathroom door clicked open and she came out, wearing the kimono. Even in all his gloom, Eriol still admired Tomoyo's beauty. He was only kidding about her being petite, for she was taller than most girls, about 5'7" even though Kaho had been taller, about 5'9". She had a model's long legs and her calm, beautifully serene face had a exquisiteness that most girls would envy. The kimono was very flattering on her too, showing off her small waist and hips. The deep purple of the kimono brought out the color of her eyes and hair and she seemed to be born to wear kimonos.

Tomoyo hated wearing kimonos. She hated how they were pulled so tightly at her waist, and she hated purple kimonos the most. Purple reminded her of Touya-kun and love that was never supposed to be. Purple reminded her of anguish, of longing, of wanting, but could never have. Purple, somehow, reminded her of Eriol too. She sat down awkwardly and rolled the sleeves back. It really was big for her but she had scoffed at the idea that she was petite. Her, petite? She wished she were. Sakura-chan was petite, cute and bubbly. She was described as lanky, and her legs were too long to have something to do with them. She especially hated her hair and eyes, because her mother always praised her on how much she looked like her dead beloved cousin, Nadeshiko-chan and Tomoyo always felt that her mother saw _Nadeshiko_ in her, and not Tomoyo. An awkward silence settled over them until it was broken by Eriol humming a song.

"I know that song. It's called…Eternal Snow, I think. Do you like it?" Tomoyo was surprised. She didn't just _know_ that song, she lived it. It was on the radio the day Touya left her on the bridge and she had played it over and over again, hoping to cleanse everything from her head. It was everything she had lived through, it told her life. Until this day, it had remained one of her most favorite songs. She was surprised Eriol liked it. Heck, she was surprised he _knew_ it.

"Yeah. I started listening to it a while ago. It's pretty good." What Eriol didn't say was that the song was Kaho's favorite song and that Kaho had a beautiful voice. She could sing beautifully and Eternal Snow was one of her most favorite songs. It was the song that Kaho played for him on their last day together. Even though they didn't know that. Over the few years between with-Kaho and now, subconsciously, the song had turned into _his_,and it was no longer Kaho's. He closed his eyes and for a strange reason, he heard his voice continuing.

"Actually. Kaho introduced it to me. I didn't like it too much at first. But I loved her voice. She had a beautiful voice." This short statement was on the same wavelength as a full and passionate love confession to Eriol. This was the first time he had mentioned Kaho to anyone. And a stranger at that. He swallowed loudly and somehow, he felt like he was going to cry. He wondered if he could just ask her to forget what he had said. He felt strange, like his spirit wasn't connected to his body anymore. His throat was burning and tears threatened to overflow. A heaviness weighed on his heart as it always did when he thought of Kaho.

"Really. So what's the deal there? Kaho. Who was she?" Tomoyo knew she had no right to ask. Tomoyo knew it was none of her business. Tomoyo _knew _it but that didn't stop her. She cleared her throat. "I mean, you don't have to say anything. But well, I'm just curious. Just curious. That's all." Kaho sounded like Touya. Tomoyo loved Touya's voice too. He had a deep, husky voice and she had loved it. Had. Had had had. Everything was in the past. She should try to forget.

Eriol contemplated whether or not he should tell her. In the end he gave in. Because a long time ago, he remembered a class he had taken where a teacher had told him that the best person to talk to was a stranger. Because strangers didn't judge you as your best friends would. Because strangers didn't know you and therefore had no raw material to work with. And his teacher had said that somehow, telling a stranger who knew nothing of you, was the most relieving thing in the world because after that day, after one encounter, you could feel that there was at least someone, somewhere who knew something about you without knowing you.

His voice cracked when telling his story because stories are never easy to tell. The moment words escape your lips, there is a fear that you might lose them.

"I love…loved Kaho. You may have heard of her. Mizuki Kaho. She painted the _Stargazer_. Well she was always there for me. She was my sunshine. She was my everything. Everything that I do, everything that I've done, I've told myself it was for her sake. My music is hers. Somehow, I've told myself that if I fulfilled all my promises she would never change, never leave me. If you ever had a special someone you know how painful it is to know they love you and can still afford to leave you. To know they love you, to make all these promises and promises you everything and can still leave. Change. I couldn't handle her being…gone. So that was Kaho. And somehow, I've never talked about her with anyone. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm pathetic like that. And oh God, I miss her so much." Eriol took a deep breath and turned his head. One tear rolled down his cheek and that was it. It was the first time he cried for Kaho after Kaho, preferring a stony silence to emotions. It was the first time he had allowed himself to be miserable over Kaho. It was a first time to many things for him. And somehow, this knowledge didn't make it any better for him.

Tomoyo had sat trance-like during the whole thing, for it sounded so bitterly similar to her story that she had the strangest urge to laugh. To cry. To do _something._ She walked over to him and in a voice that sounded so different, so strangled and so not-Tomoyo that it wondered if it really came from her. "Look at me. Hiiragizawa-kun, look at me." She wanted to prove that she understood him. That somehow, it was ok to cry. That he was allowed to cry. That he didn't need to hide his sadness. He slowly turned his head and lightly, hesitantly, she reached out and rested her fingertips on his cheek. "Hiiragizawa-kun. You know what? It's ok. It's ok, Hiiragizawa-kun. It's ok, for me too."

It was a strange sight. A pretty girl in a purple kimono bent over a normal boy with a beautiful and sad face. Their eyes were locked on each other, her fingers resting on his cheek. It made a strange sight but it was just so right. They fit each other perfectly so and they were the only ones who didn't see it.

_Perfection is fleeting…_

_But you are blessed with five moments of utter perfection in your life_

_Remember this child_

_And choose wisely_

Eriol couldn't move his eyes away. His eyes were locked on Tomoyo's face and the feel of her fingers on his cheek felt like they were burning into his skin. He felt branded but his heart had lifted at her words. He just hadn't realized it yet, but he _was_ okay. He _would_ be okay at least. His hand, moving of their own accord moved up and grabbed hold her wrist. He pulled her hand away from his face and looked up at her. "I told you my story. Now you tell me yours. Tell me why you weren't ok. Tell me why you're ok now. I'll listen."

"Why? Why would you listen to me, a perfect stranger?" He should let go of her wrist now. She wasn't used to so much physical contact. His fingers were calloused but they felt smooth on her skin. She hated the feel of his fingers on her skin, she hated that his palm was so warm. She hated it so much, and yet she was giving into it. She hated herself for that. And all of a sudden she remembered something he had said about…his music? All of a sudden, she needed to know what he did. Did he sing? Did he play an instrument? She bet he played either the piano or violin. He seemed to be an elegant person.

"Because you're a perfect stranger. Don't you see…Tomoyo? Because I can't judge you for your actions any more then you can judge me for mine. Because there is no raw material to work with. _Because we don't know each other._" Eriol sounded earnest and he wondered why. He was never enthusiastic after...Kaho. He blushed though, because the accidental use of Tomoyo's given name had just slipped out. He still held her gaze though and deftly, he led her to sit down next to him.

Tomoyo started at the mention of her name. He was calling her by her first name. Oh that made sense. She felt herself being led to a level surface and she sank into the plush couch. Her voice was betraying her, she knew it. "I have a best friend. Her name is Kinomoto Sakura. She's the happiest, dizziest person I've ever known. Except she's lived a really hectic life and she definitely deserves Syaoran-kun, who's so cute when he's really jealous." Tomoyo smiled sadly, remembering Syaoran-kun's futile efforts to win Sakura over. And Sakura, oblivious as usual, wouldn't notice. Tomoyo had been his confidante in this matter so she heard everything about them.

She cleared her throat again and she realized that the distance between Eriol and her had caused his hand to slide down to hers, so his hand was resting on hers. "Anyways, Sakura-chan lost her mother when she was really young, like around three. So her father and her brother, Touya-kun, really tried to protect her so she grew up a little…naïve. Kinomoto-san was a really nice person, you know. But I felt a little bad for him after his wife's death. He's really strong though, he masked his pain really well. And Touya-kun?" Tomoyo sighed, for even now, Touya's name could bring her into a dreamy subconscious ness.

Eriol made a small noise at the back of her throat that indicated she should continue. However he said something first, "I know a Touya. He was in Kaho's class and I remember Kaho telling me about what a good student he was. He was just the kind of person that everyone liked. Strong, smart and athletic. He was really popular; it seemed, with his female classmates."

Tomoyo smiled. That was Touya-kun alright. "Well Touya-kun was always big-brother protective of his little sister, right? And he always had a weird problem when he was younger, like he could see ghosts or something. He lost the ability a little later though, or just stopped talking about it, which was good for Sakura, because she was always a little scared of ghosts."

Tomoyo remembered all the times she had to scold Touya for scaring Sakura, especially because he kept on talking about ghosts. She remembered the old days, when Sakura was _hers_ and Touya was just Sakura-chan's mean older brother. These were the days that Tomoyo loved the most and sometimes she just wished she could go back.

"Well Touya-kun was really really handsome and well, I always had a little bit of a crush on him. He had the nicest eyes and I loved his hair. But it was really that day that changed my life. You know, like before, there was just Tomoyo. From that day on, it was Tomoyo _and_ Touya. And somehow, you know how that can make all the difference in the world? To know that you're not alone anymore, that _someone _believes in you." Tomoyo blushed a little, hoping that Eriol would understand. But she knew he did. Eriol was a nice guy like that. She could talk to him about these things.

Eriol knew exactly what Tomoyo was talking about. He had felt the same way with Kaho. "Yeah. I do know. Except my problem was that I believed in them too much, that I never expected the emptiness. Because what can you do when it goes from together, to alone?"

"Exactly. See, I loved Touya-kun, and I guess part of me still does. But first I have to tell you about Yukito-kun. He was such a nice person and Sakura-chan had the biggest crush on him when she was younger. Actually, come to think of it, so did Syaoran-kun. He got over it, because he realized that Sakura-chan was the one for him. And Sakura-chan got over it too, sooner or later." Tomoyo sighed, remembering her friends' happiness and couldn't help but feel a little envious of them.

"Anyways, Touya-kun and Yukito-kun, always had a-a _connection. _It was a connection that I couldn't keep up with, you know, it was something that was too strong to be recreated. And then, it was my birthday and it was raining and Touya had told me to wait for him on the bridge and I remembered thinking that how it was a shame that the moon wasn't out…and he told me was sorry."

And oh how Tomoyo remembered it. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go, she knew that, she had given up expecting too much from others…Her mother who always saw her dead cousin and not Tomoyo, Sakura-chan, even, who grew a little more distant each and every day. She thought she could count on Touya. She remembered once he had whispered in her ear, _You're perfect right here, Tomoyo. I'm never letting go._ Tears blurred her vision and Touya just whispered that sentence over and over again.

_I'm so sorry Tomoyo, but I can't do anything about it. That's love, right?_

_I love you Tomoyo, and I'm so so sorry but I can't do anything about it._

_Well, Tomoyo…I hope I'll see you around. Good bye._

"He walked away from me because I was so stupid and never said a word. And you know, even now, I regret it because I think that maybe he would have stayed a little while longer if only I had told him how I felt. Maybe if I said those words to him, he might have wanted to stay a little longer. I know it was stupid to think that way, but it wasn't the first time I felt like I was losing someone."

Oh god, she was tearing up just talking about this. She hadn't realized she missed Touya that much. But it wasn't just Touya, it was Sakura-chan, who she had lost, in the end, to Syaoran-kun, her mother, who had never seen her but her aunt instead and in the end, herself.

"And Eriol-kun, all these people, when they leave, they take a part of me, you know? And I think, that one day, I'm not going to be anything but empty because I've lost so much of me." Tomoyo had tears falling down her face by that time, because she realized that Eriol was right, that she did feel better because she talked to him. She sniffled and tried to wipe away her tears.

Eriol stroked her hand with her thumb, because he couldn't think of what else to do. Then he remembered her words and brought his hand to her cheek, just hovering a hair away from her smooth skin. "Tomoyo-san, it's ok. You can cry, go right ahead. Let it all out, don't keep anything else inside. And you can create new memories for yourself, ones that are irreplaceable and that no one can take away."

Tomoyo grabbed his hand and pulled it to her cheek, reveling how smooth his palm felt against her face. "Ok, Eriol-kun, I'll cry. I'll cry, because I'm ok right now. Eriol-kun, I'm going to start creating new memories…right now, with _you_."

Something in Eriol's stomach lurched right then and his chest tightened. And something gave him enough courage to take her face in both hands and bring his forehead to hers. "Cry, Tomoyo-san, let it all out. I'll be here, by your side, forever if need be. I'll wait until you're finished. So let it all out, I'll still be here when you're done."

Nothing else after that, because the only sounds were their own even breathing and Tomoyo's crying sounds. All thoughts of the past, Kaho and Touya were all forgotten. It was just them, in this moment and they couldn't have had it more beautifully. Eriol's forehead was still on hers, and they fit together like a living, breathing yin-yang sign. And it was perfect this way because they didn't need words to have each other. Because they didn't need anything else, because it was just…perfect.

"Oh my god." Tomoyo was the first to pull back. "I. Am so sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you, Eriol-kun. It's just; it's been a while since I last cried. And I think I've forgotten how good it feels sometimes. But meeting you, Eriol-kun, has been, revitalizing. I've realized things I've never realized before, and I've cried about things worth crying over instead things that I shouldn't have wasted my tears on. Eriol-kun, one day, you're going to make me cry again but I'm going to realize that you're worth it. You're worth every tear."

Eriol said nothing, because he feared she was right. Wasn't this going to be the case for every girl in his life? He _was_ going to make her cry one day, as much as he hated the thought. "I hate seeing people cry. It means I let them down. Please don't cry, Tomoyo-san, for me, not now, not ever."

Tomoyo smiled gently, her eyes swollen from the tears. "Thank you for you hospitality, but I have to go now." Her heart was touched though, but she couldn't guarantee Eriol anything.

"I'll walk you to the bridge. I think your clothes are dried now." Eriol got up, stretching his stiff back muscles and walked over the bathroom to check up on her clothes. "Yeah. You can change in there."

Tomoyo nodded her assent and the door clicked softly behind her. Eriol sank down into his armchair and sighed. Tomoyo was so different from Kaho that is was impossible to think of her as Kaho. He wondered idly if anything had really changed about him today and he tested himself. A thought of Kaho no longer brought a pang of sadness, but a bittersweet taste. But still he felt heat emanating from his cheek where Tomoyo had touched him, almost as if she had branded him with her touch.

Tomoyo rested her forehead against the cool bathroom mirror and stayed that way for a long time. She didn't know what to feel, her feelings completely mixed up inside of her. She felt resentment, for telling Eriol things she hadn't even told Sakura-chan, she felt relief for finally being able to unburden herself of the sorrow and she felt a tiny stirring in her heart, and she knew that somehow, Eriol would not be forgotten.

She walked out of the bathroom, relieved that Eriol would be walking her to the bridge. However, as she saw the clock, she was shocked. She had arrived at his house around 4:20 PM and now it was only 5:00. Somehow, she thought that the unburdening of her soul would take a bit longer. "Eriol-kun? Where should I put these clothes?"

Eriol jumped out of his seat and ran a hand through his hair. He absently took the clothes that Tomoyo had folded neatly and just dumped them on the side of his couch. The words formed before he could stop them. "Before you go…do you want to see the art room?"

Tomoyo nodded, and followed Eriol to the back, staring at the paintings and things on the side walls. She followed him into a room and Tomoyo wondered at the sheer size of Eriol's art room. A grand piano stood in the corner, right next to a giant window while the other half was completely immersed with art supplies. She still felt a little lightheaded at the fact that she was standing in Mizuki Kaho's studio. It was a miracle, for she had loved the artist and was completely devastated at the freak accident that had left her completely handicapped and with fatal injuries that had led her to death.

Eriol stepped up beside her and felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Quietly, he looked at the familiar surroundings and said, "I haven't been in here since...the last day I saw her. It's a wonder how some things never change. I just can't bring myself to forget her, even though I want to move on."

Tomoyo hesitated for a second, because although it was true that she was completely indebted to Eriol for listening to her and for doing what no one could ever accomplish - make her feel at peace with herself, she still couldn't bring herself to ask questions of Kaho, for fear of being hurt again. "Um, Eriol-kun? Is it possible...Is it possible that you could let me see her portfolio...any works she may have done...I mean, if it's okay with you..." She bit her lip, hoping she didn't step out of line.

Eriol pondered the strange request but finally gave in. He owed Tomoyo something beyond words can describe that he couldn't help but fulfill her wish. "Why not, Tomoyo-san? Just don't disturb anything."

Tomoyo clapped her hands like a little girl and opened a giant sketch pad with a beautiful lily on the cover. When she saw what it contained, she gasped, for the art was simply breathtaking and because all the subjects of the sketches were...Eriol. There was a sketch of him sleeping, on of him at the piano, one of him giving a faceless little girl a flower and one of him at the bridge, a complete double of the Stargazer, except with him as the subject and not the girl. "Kaho...Mizuki-san...was a great artist, Eriol-kun."

But for once Eriol wasn't listening to Tomoyo. His gaze was completely absorbed on the thing in his hands, which was simply two sheets of white paper covered with writing.

"Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo hated that look on his face. Without knowing it, Eriol's face had completely relaxed, into a beautiful look. His eyes were half-closed as if remembering something pleasant and the look on his face was one of love. Complete adoration. Tomoyo hated that look, because she knew he wasn't thinking of the future, that he was stuck in the past somehow, thinking of Kaho. Ksho's memory still lingered about him and nothing in the present could bring him away from the safe haven he had created.

Eriol stared down at the papers he held in his hands. Kaho had covered the paper in her elegant script, a simple letter. But it was still, a letter to him. She had ended it the way she always ended her letters to him: _I promise I love you. _Eriol hated that phrase. She had left him, right? No more obligations, no more promises that needed to be fulfilled.

And this time, in this letter, Kaho had simply talked about the time they had spent in England. His eyes glazed over and he half-shut them, remembering all the marks Kaho had left. Wherever they went, Kaho always left something of herself behind. This was one quality Eriol admired about Kaho, she wasn't afraid if she gave and got nothing back, she knew it would still be okay in the end.

"Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo whispered his name softly. What she really wanted to ask was whether or not he was still with her. Somewhere, along the time, she had begun to care for Eriol. After all, he had listened to her and he had comforted her and she was beginning to think of him…as a friend? "Eriol-kun…is that a letter from Mizuki-san? Eriol-kun?" She knew she was sounding desperate, but it really wasn't her fault.

Eriol's head was filled with a strange buzzing, even though Tomoyo kept on talking. He felt a flicker of annoyance. Why couldn't she leave him alone? He wanted to pore over Kaho's letter, see if there were any hidden clues. His mouth opened before he knew what he was doing and he said, with a flicker of annoyance, "Tomoyo-san…I'm…busy right now. I'm really sorry…I'll see you tomorrow, okay? The bridge, 2 PM."

Tomoyo felt a huge wave of resentment bubbling up. She had spent her whole entire life waiting for someone. She had spent her childhood hearing people she cared about and people she wanted to spend time with telling her they were sorry. She was tired of excuses. She tried to even her voice. "I'm sorry too, _Hiiragizawa-san_. I'm sorry for being here when there's something more important to attend to. I'm sorry, for wasting you time." Her voice got a little more high-pitched now but it was still icy-cold. "You know, I'm sorry, for telling you everything. I'm sorry, that for all these years, I've let people turn their backs on me, let them 'get back to me'."

Her voice cracked and she hated this display of emotion. But still, she could see it. She remembered her mother. _Sorry Tomoyo! I have work to do today, but tomorrow, definitely, okay?_ And walking away, her back turned before the words were even finished. She remembered Sakura-chan, too. _Sorry Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran-kun and I are going out on a date today! I'm so sorry, but I'll call you, okay?_ She would leave happily, never looking back, with her precious Syaoran-kun.

It didn't mean that they didn't love her. But it still meant that they were leaving her behind while walked off. She was always left behind, watching someone's retreating back. This time, she would be the one to turn her back.

With a condescendingly, sarcastic, singsong voice, she said, "I'm _so _sorry, Hiiragizawa-san. I'll never bother you again. _I promise._" And with those last words, she turned on her heel and stormed outside. It was still drizzling but she just ran blindly, all the way home, leaving behind, a somewhat confused, yet sorrowful Eriol.

_Finders keepers_

_Losers weepers_

Tomoyo's head hurt like she had a hangover. She wondered idly if she had gotten drunk last night. Oh yeah. She had stayed up half the night, crying out her eyes and blubbering her problems to Sakura-chan. Her eyelids felt plastered together and her hair felt greasy at the scalp. She groaned and rolled over, checking her digital clock. _11:11 AM. _The digits blinked back at her, increasing her headache. She remembered a cute story she had read. It had said that if you made a wish when the time read four ones in a row, it would come true. She briefly closed her eyes and wished that she could meet a _nice _guy, someone who cared and would never turn his back on her.

She dazedly got out of bed, the pajama top she wore sticking to her. Stumbling into the bathroom, she was dismayed to find that she was a mess, her hair greasy and sticking out all over the place, her eyelids almost glued together and bloodshot eyes. She had definitely seen better days. She climbed into a soothing bath and soon she was feeling better.

She scrubbed at her hair furiously, as if this could make yesterday's events disappear. She felt so infuriated with herself and at Eriol. She wished she had never met him, wished she had never run into him. Sure, he had made her feel better, but in the end, he ended up giving her up for someone else. Someone who wasn't even alive anymore. He had given her up for a _memory._ She had never felt smaller.

Eriol groaned. Behind his eyes, his mind felt so heavy. He had stayed up half the night, just watching the stars. He rubbed his eyes and reached to his nightstand for his glasses. His clock read 11:11 AM and he remembered something Kaho used to tell him. Something like, when the clock reads four of the same digits in a row, and if you make a wish, the wish would come true. Eriol didn't believe much in superstitions but decided to test this one out. _I wish no one would cry over me. I'm just not worth it._

The clock now read 12:30 PM and Tomoyo wondered if Eriol would be standing out on the bridge, waiting. She pushed it out of her mind. Who cared if he did show up? _She _didn't, at least. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and got up to find a phone. "Hey, Sakura-chan? Are you doing anything today?"

Eriol sighed and looked at the clock again. It was 1:45 PM. He had told Tomoyo 2:00 PM but he really doubted she would go. But somehow, he found a need to see her, and somehow, yesterday, when she stormed out, he had stared at Kaho's letter again, but the first euphoria had faded and instead, he worried over Tomoyo. His thoughts were so occupied with Tomoyo's well-being and her feelings that he had even put aside Kaho's letter. Somehow, everything paled in comparison to Tomoyo. 2:00 PM. Time to go.

_2:15 PM_ "Bye, Tomoyo-chan! Thanks for the cake!" Sakura waved happily to Tomoyo even as the car drove away.

_2:30 PM_ "We're here, Daidouji-san. Do you need anything right now?" Tomoyo shook her head and smiled slightly at the maid who opened the door for her. She went back inside the house and decided that she would go out to the garden and tend to her flowers.

_3:00 PM_ While weeding her garden, Tomoyo came upon an imported stargazer lily. The sign in front read: _Stargazer Lily Meaning: I see heaven in your eyes_ and some statistics. But the first two lines were all she saw. Tears prickled at her eyes and all of a sudden, a great swelling came upon her heart and she wondered wildly what time it was, and if she was too late.

Tomoyo just grabbed her coat and ran outside, shouting something incoherent over her shoulder at the maids. She ran and ran, hoping it wasn't too late. By now, it was probably 3:20 or even later, and she hoped Eriol cared enough to wait that long.

Eriol leaned back against the bridge on his hands and blew out the breath he was holding. He refused to look at his watch, because he didn't want to know that he had been stood up. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and something in his pocket crumpled. He sighed, then slid a hand into his pocket, smoothing out the flower in there. A soft wind ruffled his hair, and the day had a damp smell to it. He exhaled again and slid down against the bridge posts to wait.

Tomoyo was running. Faster than she had ever ran. She was completely out of breath when she got there and she stood over Eriol, her chest heaving. "E-Eriol-kun. Wh-what a surprise. Meeting you here like this." She plopped down next to him and breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath.

Eriol looked up in surprise, but a smile took control of his features. She had dropped the Hiiragizawa-san and started calling him Eriol again. Somehow, this brought unexplainable pride. "Really, Tomoyo-san. We have got to stop meeting like this." He took in her red face and the giant breaths she took and concluded that she must have run all the way here.

Tomoyo put on a shaky smile and said, "No, Eriol-kun. I-I'm really sorry, for what I did and said yesterday. And I'm really sorry that I'm late. Also – " But before Tomoyo could say what she was going to say next, Eriol's lips were on hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, before slowly shutting them. His lips were surprisingly shy and delicious and she felt herself closing her eyes slowly.

Tomoyo's hands wandered of her own accord to Eriol's hair, tangling them in the long, dark locks at his neck. His hand was cupping the back of her head, her hair spilling around his hands. Eriol broke the kiss a little sooner than Tomoyo wanted. Her lips felt swollen and she knew her cheeks were bright red. Eriol's hands went to both sides of her head and she felt his hands hold her head there, her hair scrunched up in his fists. Her eyes closed and she breathed a long sigh. She was still playing with his hair.

Eriol wanted to just stay there and kiss Tomoyo forever. She tasted like plums and being with her had a healing effect, he felt himself calm and it was perfect – it was how things should be. But he came here for a reason and gently he leaned forward until they were nose to nose. "Tomoyo," he breathed, "I'm sorry. But...I'm leaving for England tomorrow."

"WHAT?" Tomoyo was shocked because the words that came out of his mouth weren't the words she wanted to hear, but shocking news instead. "Leaving? England? And why tomorrow? Eriol…I thought…I thought you would want to stay here…with me." Her last words were said in a whisper. She breathed shakily and she jerked her head back, but her hair was still tangled in Eriol's fingers, but she yanked back harder and dropped her hands from around his neck. She suddenly felt cold, ice-cold, and shivered. The thought of Eriol before had brought a warm, bubbly feeling, but now, it was replaced with sinking desperation.

"I'm going back to England, Tomoyo. And you see, you're a beautiful girl and I…I love you but I can't just forget Kaho. Everything I've done, up to this point, it was all for her. Going to England – it's so I don't lose her." It was harder than Eriol had thought it would end but he couldn't take back his words. He tucked the stargazer behind her ear and softly brushed her ear with his lips. He straightened up and slowly turned around, calling over his shoulder, "Good-bye Tomoyo."

He was stopped though, by a voice calling him back. Tomoyo was still sitting on the bridge, her head against the pole. Her eyes were just a little bit glassy and she didn't seem to know what she was doing. She was singing Eternal Snow. Her voice soared over the notes, as clear as water. Eriol froze. Tomoyo's voice was nicer than Kaho's, clear and beautiful, like tinkling bells, ringing ringing.

_I'm falling in love with you, and which will come to pass?_

_Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or_

_Will you notice it_

_Even though I've never said anything?_

She ended with a tremble and her eyes started to water. She wondered if it was enough. If he would come back. Tears rolled down her face and she closed her eyes. She choked out, "You're turning your back on me, Eriol. Everyone I love has."

In her mind, she saw her mother, Sakura, Touya, everyone, flashing by, leaving her behind. She could see their backs so clearly, but their faces were a blur. She had always thought she could count on Eriol. She thought she could trust him. She thought, he _knew_ the pain of being left behind. But she was so so wrong, he didn't know.

Her voice cracked and her words shaked, "I love you, Eriol. I really do." She broke down into tears, sobbing heavily, her shoulders shaking. "Why? Why are you leaving me?" And then, in a sing-song voice, so unlike Tomoyo's, she said, "I'm empty now, so why does it hurt so much? All the pieces of me are gone and I've been left all alone. Again. It's hurts so much and I think that my heart is bleeding."

Eriol's throat constricted and at first, all he wanted to do was run back and comfort Tomoyo and tell her that he was there, that he would always be there. "I love you too, Tomoyo but I can't love you knowing I still love Kaho. I can't love you, knowing that I'm haunted by the memory of another woman. Because, Tomoyo, the memories of her are so strong, because the memories are stronger, even, than reality. Because Tomoyo, you are a violet and I can only see roses." Slowly he walked away, resenting it more with each step.

Tomoyo barely heard his words because she was crying so hard. She had never cried like this before, not even last night. His steps faded but she still sat there, still crying until the moon came up. Then, she slowly picked her way home, the river sang her sad song after her and the moon lit her way. She was too late, turning her back on something that can't be forgotten. She almost missed the meaning of the stargazer in her hair, but it was still there.

_I see heaven in your eyes._

_shouldn't it be enough,  
to have my words in your heart,_

_to know what i say is true? _

_don't try to change the past_

_it won't work to forget me_

_remember my words,_

_remember **me**_

_I see heaven in your eyes._

A single stargazer lily lies on her windowsill, it has been dried and loved, wet with tears and anger. It recalls old memories, old days, things long gone. But one girl still remembers. She still loves and waits for him. Every night, that one girl cries herself to sleep, waiting and wishing for a young boy who took her heart and didn't give her his.

Every night, one lone girl stands at a beautiful lonely spot on a beautiful lonely bridge. Every night, she watches the moon and stars and wonders if he is thinking of her like she is thinking of him. Every night, she sings the same lonely, longing song to the moon and listens to the river dance beneath her. Every night, she stands there as if she were waiting for something...maybe even someone. Every night, there's always someone who inquires if she is waiting for something, or someone. And every single night, come rain or shine, she replies, "I think so, but he didn't promise me. He knows that I like to wait here though. Maybe tonight, he'll come."

_I see heaven in your eyes._

A single stargazer lily still lies on her windowsill. She's tried to throw it out, to buy a new flower, to stop thinking about him. She'd like to do something, other than sit and stare and talk to it, as if he could hear her. She's still beautiful, and so is he. But they haven't exchanged words for five years now and she's starting to lose hope. I think...maybe he regrets it now and I think that she doesn't know yet. But a single stargazer lily still lies on her windowsill, waiting for a touch of sunshine.

This didn't turn out to be your average love story, and it never was destined to be. It didn't and it

still won't end with a happy ending because she's still in love and he still remembers. I think...that this cannot end as a Happily Ever After because he made the mistake of thinking he could forget the past when the past cannot be forgotten or changed. And I think, she made the mistake of falling in love too quickly and believing in a boy who does not, cannot, will not believe in promises. Or maybe, it still is an average love story because in the end, he loves her and she loves him. They're still apart, though, separated by more than oceans and land. So this story won't end happily but it can end beautifully. Because beauty is not only happiness, but despair as well.

_stop._

**A/N: **I enjoyed writing this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well. This fic is dedicated to my lovely beta-reader, fireblazie-chan and my sweet older sis, Christina. Love you both!


	2. Refract

**A/N**: Um, I thought of this…while doing something, I forgot. Anyways, I'm procrastinating form my other fic…so you know. :D Inspiration comes in weirdest ways. Told in little vignettes, this is the story of Eriol and Tomoyo's relationship.

Refract - to alter the appearance of something by viewing or showing it through a different medium.

**Disclaimer: **You know I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. Belongs to CLAMP, you know the drill.

**Refract**

ooo

_i. Kaho - So Sure_

Eriol had said to me, "Even I do not know anymore, what the future holds. I guess we will have to wait and see." I held on to that belief, hoping he might see me as I see him. But sometimes, I still get lost in that mansion of his and sometimes, I feel that Nakuru and Suppi-chan don't like me and they're kind of stiff around me, like I was a stranger. And sometimes, even Eriol isn't as kind to me as I know he really is. And I was so sure that maybe it would work.

I kind of see it now. I always knew I would never be as dear to him as Ruby Moon, Spinel Sun, Yue or Cereberus were to him. They were his creations, his companions, and I never dreamed I could compete with him. I always knew that he would love Sakura-chan more than me, her, who was like his own daughter. I also knew that he would understand Fujitaka-san more than he understood me, or that I would ever understand him, for he _was _half his reincarnation. But I never knew that the small characters in his life, Tomoyo-chan and Syaoran-kun, would mean as much.

I was so sure before, but I see it now. This is why, that sometimes, I get lost still, in his mansion, like I get lost in his heart, but that girl, having only been there once, can always find her way.

_ii. Nakuru – Lying_

I didn't know then, but I know now. He was lying then. He thought it was his duty love Kaho, and I hated her for that. He thought it was his duty to love her because she was the only person who had called him kind. I didn't know then, but I realize now. _She _used to say that too.

Tomoyo-chan was always such a nice little girl. She cared for Sakura-chan so much that it had hurt me to see that Sakura-chan would never love her as more than just a friend. Eriol was right, she always did watch over them with such kind eyes. But she wasn't wrong either, he also watched them, and her, with kindness in his eyes. Sometimes, I lie to Eriol too. I tell him that there's nothing wrong with Kaho, when it's so obvious that she could never fit. That she would never belong like Tomoyo-chan could.

Tomoyo-chan was always such a nice little girl. She used to call him kind too.

_iii. Spinel Sun – Humans_

Humans are very complicated creatures. Humans also come in many categories, nice, mean, clever, smart, stupid and so much more. Most humans are stupid. Then again, there are some humans, like my master, who isn't.

However, it is in their nature to be stupid. Kaho-san is like that. She is elegant, yes and she can carry on an intelligent conversation with me on the ancient runes, but she is stupid to not notice that my master doesn't love her. My master is always thinking of a girl still in Tomoeda, Japan. Always asking about her well-being and rereading her letters. She is a nice girl, that Tomoyo-san. But oblivious. Ah. There's another one.

Humans are oblivious as well.

_iv. Kero – Crumbs_

I love cake. I love sweets too. I don't need to eat, but I, unlike Yue, appreciate the finer things in life. I like Tomoyo-chan's cakes the most. They're just the right blend of sweet, moist and delicious. Tomoyo-chan's very good at making things. She's a little like Eriol.

I wish that they would hurry up and fall in love already. I knew, the moment I met Kaho, that whoever she was, she had someone else waiting for her. She might be too late though, clinging to Eriol and Touya. Eriol wasn't meant for her and neither was Touya. You could see it in their eyes. Tomoyo-chan is very pretty and she has great reflexes, great senses. If ever given magic, she could reach great lengths.

But those are the crumbs of life. You don't always get everything and everything delicious, even cakes, always crumbles to an end.

But if you savor every bite, you might come to realize something.

_v. Yue – Belonging_

I wish my master had told me he would be reincarnated. I wouldn't have had to choose a new master. But Sakura's nice enough, and I don't hate her. So it's all okay, but I still wish that he could have told me. My master tends to get lonely. I wish he had someone, like Sakura has Syaoran and like how Yukito has Touya.

There's a little girl that my new mistress is friends with. Her name is Tomoyo. She's very nice, always smiling, rather like Eriol. It's hard to tell what she's thinking, since she's gotten so good at masking her true feelings. I have realized one thing though. The person that she loves, will never return her love and somehow, she feels that it's okay. My master's a bit like that too. Except he's never gotten close enough to anyone to really love them. He hides behind his smile, all his cunningness so people don't see that all he wants is to belong somewhere.

She deserves better, that girl. She's one of those sorts of people. The sort that gives her all and doesn't care if she's given nothing back, the sort that just takes the scraps thrown at them because they've never realized that they deserve more. That girl, she needs belongs somewhere. To be told that they are the greatest and be showered with what she deserves. She's many years overdue.

She and my master, they belong together.

_vi. Fujitaka – Confusing_

I always thought that Eriol-san was such a nice boy. I don't understand why Touya grumbles at the mention of his name and that nice Syaoran Li-kun always bangs his head against the wall, the table or any hard surface actually, when his name is said. I really don't understand.

Nadeshiko-san asked me once if I thought Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-san would make a nice couple. She declared that they were both a bit like Sonomi-kun. A bit stubborn really, not to notice what was in front of their very eyes. I started watching them, to see if Nadeshiko-san was right. She was. She usually is.

Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-san must really love each other.

_vii. Sonomi – Overprotective_

I've always been a bit overprotective with my daughter. Especially when it came to boys. I didn't want some nasty little boy to break her heart, or ever make her cry. But deep down, I knew that the only reason I didn't want her to fall in love was because I was afraid she might be taken away, like Nadeshiko-chan was, by Fujitaka-sensei. I like Li-kun, because he was so in love with Sakura-chan, that I knew there was no way he could fall in love with my daughter and that my daughter could ever fall in love with him.

I guess that sometimes, an overprotective mother will glaze over the finer details. If I hadn't, I might have realized that she was in love. But that it would have been impossible for that boy to break her heart, because I could tell he loved her too.

I guess I wouldn't mind giving her up to that Hiiragizawa-kun, as long as he let her visit me on weekends.

_viii. Touya – Frustration_

I've never liked people who were smarter than me, especially if they were younger than me too. That smart aleck, Hiiragizawa, better watch his back, because one day, I swear, I'm going to corner him in a dark alleyway and jump him. I can't deny that he's nice to my little sister however, and that redeems him, only a little though, in my eyes. I wish that stupid Chinese gaki would take after him.

The only one who can combat against his sarcastic comments and overall cleverness, and even throw in a few blows, is Tomoyo. Tomoyo was always good at that sort of thing, getting me to agree to things I never would have agreed to otherwise, all in a business-like manner. She was so good at it that sometimes, after she left, I would just sit there and try to pinpoint exactly where she got me. Most of the time, I couldn't, even though it sounded so simple when she had explained it to me.

Tomoyo and that Hiiragizawa, they drive each other crazy, but you can tell that he enjoys it and that she enjoys snapping at him.

_ix. Yamazaki – The Truth_

I don't tell _lies_. I'm shocked you would think so. I tell great stories, some with a bit of exaggeration. Hiiragizawa-kun's great at telling stories too. He has thought of so many that even I haven't thought up of. No matter what Chiharu-chan says, I don't lie.

That Naoko-chan isn't any fun though. She somehow knows that I've been exaggerating. Rika-chan's too mature for my stories, so I prefer not to let her overhear. But Tomoyo-chan, now she's really nice. She likes my stories, and thinks them romantic. I like that Tomoyo-chan. I like Hiiragizawa-kun too.

They're both such nice people. Maybe they should realize that for once, the lie in his heart is actually true.

_x. Syaoran – I Know_

I know that Eriol is supposedly the reincarnation, well half anyways, of the great magician Clow Reed. But I never knew that he was so…_cunning_. If you can call it that anyways. He somehow manages to think of the _stupidest _tricks and makes them work. Like that time he decided it would "be interesting, I swear, that's ALL I meant, Syaoran-kun" to /accidentally/ lock me and Touya together in a music room and "oops, I lost the key". Do you know how much flutes can hurt?

I know Daidouji…loves Sakura. I never doubted it; you could see it in her eyes. But, and I'm not gloating or anything, Sakura loves me. I know Sakura loves Daidouji, too, to a certain degree. But she doesn't love Daidouji like Daidouji loves her. I like Daidouji though, because she's so smart and clever, because whenever she and Eriol bump heads, most of the time, she comes out the winner.

I know that Daidouji loves Sakura. But I think it's changing now. Because sometimes, I see him looking at her the same way I look at Sakura.

_xi. Sakura – She Needs_

Sometimes, I catch Tomoyo-chan looking at me in a...funny way. I think that the person she loves must be very special and must feel very lucky, because she's so nice to me and so nice to Syaoran-kun even though I know she doesn't love us like that. Tomoyo-chan is always looking out for us, and even though the outfits she makes me wear are a little bit embarrassing, I know that she poured her love in every action. Tomoyo-chan is just so nice and pretty and smart.

Sometimes, I think that Tomoyo-chan needs a person like I need Syaoran-kun. Eriol-kun is very nice to her and I think that he loves her like she loves him. He never says it, of course, but he's always nicer when she's around and gives up his little toys and plans because she asks him to. Also, whenever she walks, he follows her movements with such a kind look in his eyes. I'm not sure she knows it yet either, but whenever he's around, she's a little bit sharper and whenever she sings, her voice always hits that high note that she is never able to hit otherwise.

Sometimes, I catch Eriol-kun looking at Tomoyo-chan so kindly, so wistfully, that I can almost feel it. He looks at her kind of funny too.

Tomoyo-chan, she needs Eriol-kun.

_xii. Eriol – Believe_

Kaho-san's very nice. She's a very nice lady, but I'm not sure I love her. When I see her, my heart doesn't get all jumpy and I don't get tongue-tied. Instead, it's just this very nice warmth that spreads throughout my body. Kaho-san's very nice. But I think she believes a lie. I think I'm living the biggest lie of all.

Tomoyo-san's very pretty. She has such nice, long hair, so different from Kaho-san's. Tomoyo-san's very sharp too, she catches things even I don't see. Tomoyo-san believes that she is in love with Sakura-chan. Except I'm not sure why she hasn't realized yet.

She hasn't realized that I love her.

_xiii. Tomoyo – Turning_

All it took really, was a step backwards. One step backwards and he would walk into me, his arms instinctively going around my waist, to catch me if I fall. But it's hard to. It's hard, to force myself back, just one step. But I know he's behind me, stepping into the imprints I leave behind.

I've known for a long time now. I've known for along time that I'm no longer in love with Sakura. I've turned around now. I was always chasing after something that I could never catch. I stopped myself and turned back to the start. I wanted to begin again.

Now I know who makes my heart beat, who makes me warm up completely. All it takes is one step back, or for me to turn around. The words are easy enough to form.

_I love you._

_ooo_

_End_

**A/N: **Okay, this is a story I wrote…I'm not sure why. But I was bored. So, this is dedicated to you. This story is dedicated to everyone out there. The ones who want to take one step back, to turn around and say just three words. This is for you.


	3. Star Seeing

**A/N:** Well, this is just a completely random story. It is just…really random. That's all I can say. Tell me if you like it, please.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters, they belong to CLAMP.

-x-

**Star-Seeing**

-x-

"When you look at the stars, are you really seeing them? Or are you just looking at them?"

In Tomoyo Daidouji's sixteen years of living, this was definitely one of the strangest questions she had ever been asked. She stared into Eriol Hiiragizawa's eyes, wondering if this was a trick question.

"Um…no?" she offered helplessly. "Uh…maybe." She was sixteen years old, an aspiring singer and talking to a boy at a bus stop. She wondered if life could be any stranger. This boy had introduced himself as Eriol Hiiragizawa, after he had dropped everything he was carrying and she had helped him pick up his things. They were very odd items too. A thick, heavy book on Egyptian hieroglyphics, a pound of flour, a pound of sugar, a big bag of chocolate chips and many many packets of flower seeds. It seemed he was shopping for himself and his housemates and she briefly wondered what kind of people they were. Hiiragizawa-san himself, was rather interesting looking, his glasses crooked, his hair sticking up at odd angles because he kept running his hand through his hair. He was good-looking, she supposed, because he was very kind and he had a happy-go-lucky nature that just attracted girls and made friends with guys easily.

"I do," he said earnestly, his eyes sparkling. "A long time ago, I never really learned to appreciate these small things because I had lived alone and I had been in a sort of depression. I had given up thinking about life and the small things and had just started to push and push at my goal. I had reached the top of the pyramid and when I looked around, expecting to find happiness, I realized that all this success wasn't happiness, because I was all alone on the pyramid, because no one would fit beside me. So now, when the stars come out, I stop to trace constellations with my finger, and when it rains, I stand outside in the pouring rain, feeling the water." He smiled a wistful smile, as if recalling these memories.

Tomoyo had started to inch a bit away from him, for she feared for his sanity. But when he got to the part about his goal, she stopped to think. It sounded painfully familiar. It sounded a lot like her. She had given up many things she enjoyed, instead practicing scales, going to auditions and meeting with her agent. She realized that she missed sleeping on the roof with Sakura and Syaoran, telling funny stories about the stars in the sky. She realized that she missed cooking and dressmaking, that singing wasn't actually all that fun. But Tomoyo was a stubborn girl and she refused to acknowledge these things.

"Well…" she began, but he broke in with a shush.

"Look at the sky!" He pointed up, where the first stars had started to come out. His joy was infectious and soon she started to smile. "Isn't it beautiful?" And he proceeded to trace the stars, the constellations with his finger. Tomoyo just stared, the sheer beauty of the night sky taking her breath away. She watched his finger, swirling through the night sky and like a glow stick; it seemed as if there was a faint, smokiness left and the images played over and over in her head. She smiled and she continued to watch the stars until it was past midnight and Eriol had fallen asleep, his head had fallen gently onto her shoulder. Her smile was a mix of things, it spoke of happiness and it spoke of remorse.

She wondered if it seemed strange, two teenagers sitting on the sidewalk, one sleeping and one _seeing_ the stars.

**A/N**: That was rather short and sweet, right? Review please?


	4. City Lights

**A/N: **Fall in love with this story, please, just as I did? The name City Lights, was inspired by, what else? The beautiful city of Manhattan of course.

**Disclaimer: **All characters, etc, are property of CLAMP and not me. (Sadly.) I just get to put them in strange situations.

_To all my reviewers, this for you._

**City Lights**

**-x-**

The city lights are shining, oh so bright. She presses her face against the window and looks down, down into a sea of shining city lights. _Yes _she thinks, she could pretend that her life was still perfect, that he was still here. _Yes _she thinks, crying, her tears running down her porcelain skin, she could _pretend _but she couldn't make herself _believe_, there was definitely no way. She is standing at the highest point in the city, she is surrounded by smiling, happy people, but there is no way for her to stop. She is easily the loveliest one there and yet she is the only one alone. She stands at the highest point in the city and she looks down, the face of an angel, an angel that no one wants.

The stars are dim tonight, compared with the city lights. He looks up, at the base of the highest point in the city and all he can see are her eyes, shining with the tears that she would never cry. _No _he thinks, this couldn't be how the story ended, because this wasn't the ending that he wrote. _No _he thinks, angry at himself. It was his fault, and he knew it. He knew that the ending he wanted, was the ending that he destroyed, the one that he lost when he looked into her eyes and lied. He is standing at the base of the highest point in the city, he is surrounded by darkness and people hurrying past, people who would rather be by the warm city lights, then the cold darkness. He can never be happy like this. He is easily the loveliest one there and yet he is the only one who seems lost. He stands at the base of the highest point in the city and looks up, the face of someone who has been blinded and cannot find the light.

She peels herself away from the window, because looking down on the city lights has made her nostalgic. It has also made her sad, and it brings back the despair that she thought she had been long rid of. She fingers the necklace that she cannot take off, it is simple, a string of black satin where a little star hangs. She keeps this necklace because it reminds her of the things she cannot let go and of the feelings she will keep in her heart, behind the locked black door that I am sure everyone has. She stands in the middle of this crowd and she wonders how she can feel so alone and why her eyes seem so dead in the middle of all this life.

He pauses at the stairs, because the stairs make him remember and he is not so sure if he wants to remember. He is pushed from behind and the girl disappearing upstairs has long black curls spilling down her back and he starts, thinking it is her. But then she turns and her eyes are a bright, happy green, and are not her deep and stormy amethysts. That one taste was enough though, and he hangs on to the banister, pressing his forehead into the wall. He starts to remember the millions of things he loved about her, her quick easy smile, the way she just always knew what was wrong with him and how understanding she was. All the memories came rushing back, breaking down the carefully built wall he had placed between him and his real feelings. All of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to see her and tell her he was sorry and that he made a mistake, and that he was so sorry, and please, would she take him back?

She merely wanders the streets because she does not want to go back home, because home reminds her of him and because home is too lonely and too cold on such a day, when the city lights shine so brightly. Home is no longer home; just a house in which she currently resided because she knew that home was where happiness was. She realizes that she knows some of the people in the crowd and waves to them, plastering a smile on her face for their sakes. She doesn't know that her friends, her old classmates worry about her. They worry for this new her, so unlike the pretty, sparkling eyed beauty of their school days. That girl was always so happy, always had a real smile on her face. This one was so fake, so unreal.

He merely walks the streets because his home is too far. His home is not here; his home is where the heart is. His heart would never be here, so lonely, his heart is where _she _is. He realizes there are people in the crowd that he knows and he nods at them, too tired to conjure up a smile. He doesn't know that these people, the two that will know him best, his own creations, worry about him. They worry about this new him, so unlike the clever, bright eyed boy of later days. That boy was always so full of life, who would always be the one they would remember. This one was so tired, so unsure.

She tries not to think about that day, although everything around her is exactly how it was on that day – except she's missing him by her side. She, by force of habit alone, walks toward the highest point in the city – again. She pauses at the foot of the stairs and wonders – why is she _here _of all places? Unable to stop them, the memories all rush back. She crouches down on the ground, arms hugging herself. Unable to hold up the wall that she has tried to hold up for so long, the tears rush out. She is dressed in layers of clothes, and yet she can't seem to stop shivering, and it feels as if there are a million needles piercing her already aching heart. She leans her head back against the icy wall and through her blurred vision, stares up at the stars, drowned out by the city lights. _Why tonight? _She wonders. She hasn't had these feelings in a while.

He refuses to think about that day, but that does not stop him from regretting it as well. Tonight, it seems greater than usual, because everything around him reminds him of something painful – that she is not here, where she belongs. He, because he is tired, walks toward his original place, the base of the highest point in the city. He pauses in the dark, and blinks, realizing where he is and he wonders – why is he _here _of all places? His head starts to throb, and all the feelings he held in his heart, in a tiny black box that he cannot open, are opened by the mere memory of her. He rests his head on the wall behind him, not caring about the ice that seeps through his hair and trickles down his long neck. For the first time since that day, when he went home and cried, he feels hot tears prickling at his eyes, and soon, they make a steady pace down his cheeks. The city lights above him are blurred, and he cannot tell them apart from the stars. _I wish _he thinks, trying to keep his hold on loneliness. _I wonder if she misses me too._

It was strange, really, for in so many ways, fate had set them up so many many times. It was strange, because it was so obvious that they were _so _meant to be, and yet it was because of _themselves _that they weren't together. But I suppose, that even the doomed ones, have one last chance, because their story is not your average fairytale – where there will be a happily ever after. They will have a choice, whether to have despair or happiness. _Their _story will go beyond words because perhaps, their story has no ending.

She sighed, getting up, and shook her hair out of her eyes. But then a sudden vibration in her pocket drew her attention to her cellphone. Noticing that the caller was 'unknown', she clicked it on warily.

"Tomoyo?"

"…yeah?"

"The city lights are beautiful here in England."

"Really? The city lights are beautiful here in Japan too, Eriol."

And just like that, it was okay again, and everything fell into place. And just like that, those who were lost were found, just as easily.


	5. Shades of Her Smiles

**A/N**: A minor ficlet that came to me. I hope you'll like it. One more. Will be companion fic to this one.

**Summary**: Observations on her smiles. I want her to always smile. ExT

**Disclaimer**: CLAMP.

**Shades of Her Smile**

**x**

She turns to me, a bright, but impatient smile on her face. "Eriol-kun," she says, holding out her hand. "What's taking you so long?"

And she doesn't know this, but I do. That one amazing smile is enough to last me a lifetime. Well, maybe a few more wouldn't hurt, but _Tomoyo-san, don't you know? Your smiles make me want to live for you._ I shake my head slowly, and hesitatingly, I take her hand.

I am filled with a longing, a sweet desire that I cannot quench. I am led to her latest endeavor, her palm against mine. The longing pushes its way out, and I can feel it spill over. She turns to me again, and smiles, this time, her eyes lighting up with sheer happiness.

I can't say anything, but I shake my head, and I smile back at her, knowing my smile cannot even compete with hers. Oh, she's so close, but she isn't mine. _Tomoyo-san, don't you know? Your smiles make me want to live for you._

And so, it goes on like this, and I feel I cannot take it. She stops in wonder, and I am left staring at the back of her head, ebony curls spilling over her shoulders. "Look," she whispers, as if sharing a secret with me. "Aren't the falling flowers _beautiful_?"

And she will catch a white blossom in her hand, and she will examine it closely, and then thread it through her hair. She will turn to me with a childish smile, as if she is maybe a little embarrassed that she still loves flowers.

I smile gently and lightly mock her, but inwardly, I shall admire the contrast of the white flower in her dark inky hair. She gently swats my arm, and oh, please, Tomoyo-san, direct one of those amazing smiles at me again. _Tomoyo-san, don't you know? Your smiles make me want to live for you._

And even now, she watches her best friend. She's a little heartbroken, but she's also a little happy. She wants so desperately to prove that she really loves her, but she so desperately wants to stay with her. She looks up at me, and her hold on my hand tightens. She gives me a smile of sadness mixed with despair and it is still beautiful, because she is.

I hold her hand, because this is perhaps the only way I know to give her some comfort. I want to hold her close to my heart and tell her to smile like she used to, please, Tomoyo-san, I'm begging you.

_Tomoyo-san, don't you know? Your smiles make me want to live for you._

**fin.**


	6. Colors of His Eyes

**A/N**: And so concludes **Broken**. Aren't you glad I didn't end unhappy? And I want to thank all of the reviewers, everyone who just _read _my story, and fireblazie-chan, for sticking with me through the emotional roller coaster ride that is the EriolTomoyo relationship. And for loving this story. Thanks.

**Summary**: Details about his eyes. I want his eyes to always be beautiful. Slight ExT.

**Disclaimer**: CLAMP.

**Colors of His Eyes**

**x**

He turns to me, and although he doesn't smile, his eyes flash with happiness, and for a second, they are a light, cheerful sapphire color. "Tomoyo-san," his voice smiles, and he closes his eyes, shaking his head. "How do you manage to know me so well?"

And I want to say to him, _open those amazing eyes again, and I'll tell you_. His eyes are all I need to survive, all those beautiful colors, they seem to quench my undying thirst for beauty. And oh, how I want to tell him. _Eriol-kun, don't you know? Your eyes assure me that there is life worth living._

I sip my burning coffee, and wince. He turns to me, a worried look in his eyes. I smile, mingled with relief and reassurance, and he smiles, crinkling the corners of his eyes. But I cannot help but think that either way, his eyes are just simply lovely.

And please, oh please, Eriol-kun, will you show me those eyes one more time? Those eyes that say you're worrying about me. Oh please, Eriol-kun, because, _don't you know, Eriol-kun? Your eyes assure me that there is life worth living. _

But sometimes, there are things that will remind him of things of times that made him unhappy. One day, in a fit of silliness, I tell him, "Let's run away together." And as he inquires where, I, stupidly, tell him, eyes dreamy, "I don't know, somewhere in England, perhaps?" I didn't see his mouth tighten, but I did see his eyes.

And oh, Eriol-kun, your eyes. Your eyes spoke of sadness, of loss, of unfairness, of a kind of love you had and lost. And I immediately apologized, but you waved it off. But oh, Eriol-kun, you didn't see your eyes. Your eyes were crying without shedding tears, but they were still beautiful nonetheless.

Oh Eriol-kun, I was sorry. Please, Eriol-kun, I know this is selfish, but please, one day, if I'm gone, will you show those eyes again? Because, you don't know, but _Eriol-kun, you should know. Your eyes assure me that there is life worth living._

But even now, when he watches the last of his hopes die, he scatters rose petals to the wind, because he says, "Roses have always reminded me of her." And when I inquired gently as to what I reminded him of, he hesitated, but said, "Lilies." The invitation came today, and although he said she would make a beautiful bride, she saw the storm behind his eyes. He wanted to be a good person, oh he so desperately wanted to, but he couldn't help but feel something – regret?

So all I could do was give him an impulsive hug, releasing him after a second. He turns to me, his eyes thankful. But I just smile, hopefully mysteriously, and shake my head. I wanted to do more for him, like he's always done for me. But it's okay, because either way, his eyes are still beautiful, and that's more than enough for me.

_Oh Eriol-kun, don't you know? Your eyes assure me that there is life worth living._

**fin.**


End file.
